Sure, beginning a relationship can be easy, but sustaining it can be hard. Especially if the two of you differs a lot in personalities, to begin with. But that is something that you can work out. Working out you and your partner’s differences can be tough, especially if the two of you have lived that way for far too long that it is a struggle to adjust or change in some way or another.
Just like some other adjustments that the two of you have to work out, there are also some things that you must never say to your partner. Even if it is a heterosexual relationship or same-sex relationship.
1.) “You Always do That!”
Sure, you have noticed some things that can be your pet-peeves most of the time, but that is something normal. More than rare, there will be new things that you can discover to your partner about his personality as the time goes by. But saying something like that will not benefit you or make your partner do less about it.
What You Should Do: Talk about it. One on one. And point out the reasons why you don’t like that kind of activity or attitude. And let him/her understand your point. Answer questions and come to an agreement. Don’t force your partner to just change. It has been a part of his life and saying that to him/her will just make matters worse. Give him a chance to change it, and if he/she cannot change it, then it is mature that you accept that part of him/her. If the both of you learned how to accept each other’s good sides, then it is also natural to accept the bad sides and try to live it up positively. It will work wonders.
2.) “I Hate You!”
Do you mean to say that? Or did the heat of the moment made you say that? Either way, when in argument, don’t ever, ever let this words come out from your mouth. You’re already in argument and saying these words will only make matters worse. It’s like adding more fuel to a growing flame.
And even if it is only a joke, please don’t say that. It is hurtful to your partner even if you don’t seriously mean it. It gives this unpleasant feeling deep inside to the person you have said to. Not just to your partner, but also to your family and friends.
What You Should Do: Try to calm down and feel what the other is feeling. So even if you are in an argument, you don’t make a mistake like this that might cause the relationship to break down. See yourself in your partner’s shoes. Will you like to hear the words “I hate you!” from the person you love? Will it feel pleasant? If not, then better not say it, even if you are just having some fun times.
3.) “I Don’t Care.”
Ignoring someone can really make that person feel bad. Especially if it is your partner. What if something is wrong? What if it is urgent? it will give an interpretation to him/her that, he/she doesn’t matter to you or you just don’t really have the time to listen to him/her about his/her worries or achievements.
What You Should Do: Look him/her in the eyes when he/she called you, or if your partner starts to talk. And even if you don’t understand at first what he/she is saying, the first thing that will make him/her feel more accepted is when you ask him/her more details about the things that he/she wanted to say.
Not only it will deepen your connection to your partner but you will also get to know more of him/her. The more you listen to the person you love, the more that he/she will gain more confidence about himself/herself.
4.) “You Can’t Do it.”
If you were able to say this to your partner at a point in your relationship, then for sure, you were successful in bringing him/her down. This is something that you should never, ever say to anyone. Every person has their own weakness, for sure, but it is not bad to try something new.
For example, if your partner wants to improve something that he/she lacks, like for example, cooking, saying that he/she can’t do it, will make him/her lose confidence and a chance to improve in life.
What You Should Do: Encourage him/her more. Join your partner for whatever things that he wants to do next. And always tell him/her that you will be there to help him/her in this new adventure. Or tell him that you will be there to learn about him. Not only he will be comfortable doing it, but it will also be able to lift his self-confidence more. And what more, if he were able to successfully do it, he will remember you as someone who will always be there to encourage him in his new ventures
5.) “You Should Know How I Feel.”
Don’t assume that your partner knows how you’re feeling without you telling them. And it’s important to verbally express your feelings since they drive behavior. Making your partner to constantly try to figure out what you feel can lead to some negative emotions like anxiety, confusion, and most likely doubt to you or to himself.
What You Should Do: Open up to your partner, or better yet, try to talk it out why you are feeling like that. Remember that no one is a mind reader. There may be people that are good at reading people’s expression and body movement, but not everyone is like that. Make sure to answer in a manner that your partner will understand you. Do not, and not ever, assume that just because he knows you for some time, he will easily know how you will feel. Because all of us are born different and we all grew up in a different situation. So open up, answer questions on why you feel that way, and talk it up civilly.
6.) “What Is Wrong With You?”
When the person you love is frustrated or hurt and angry or emotional, saying “what is wrong with you?” sounds like they are damaged goods and it will not be well received. It’s insulting them not helping them. It will also make things worse around him.
What You Should Do: You can ask, “What is wrong? “or “Are you OK?” Then empathize with what is wrong. The magic then is the tone — a soft and caring tone not a critical mean tone. Next thing to do, when he started talking is to make sure that you will listen. Do not interrupt him while he was talking and make sure that you understand what he is saying. In case that you don’t when he pauses, try to ask it a little more. Not only it will help you get to know more about the problem, it will also give your partner validation that what he is feeling is something normal for all people and he can find a companion through tough times.
7.) “Here We Go Again.”
Whether it is a topic that he was able to bring up again or something that might have happened before, saying “here we go again” will make things worse for the both of you. It will give him this sense that you don’t really care about the relationship or something more in that gray area.
What You Should Do: Try to listen this time more. He might have brought it up again because he felt that what was discussed before seems lacking or needs a more confirmation about its ratification for the betterment of the relationship that you both have. If you try to listen, you might be able to fully understand why he has to open it up again and to fully grasp his side of the story.
Relationships are not something that can magically be good all the times. It needs work, patience a lot of understanding to make sure that it will work and last long. There are things that have to be said, and equally, there are things that should not be said no matter the situation is. Remember, words that already came out of your mouth can never be taken back. Always be careful on you will say and think first before speaking. Listen first before thinking different things. And most of all, understand before arguing something.
What do you think are the things that should not be said to your partner no matter the situation is? Comment down below, or share this to your friends so that you can help them make their own relationship work and last longer.